13/10/2025
😐 What happens when you call out referee abuse publicly?
You get messages like these.
After posting about South Shields Whites U14s publicly criticising a referee on Facebook — saying “to think they get paid to do it” — The Referee Forum received a long series of private messages from someone claiming to represent the club.
The tone of those messages wasn’t accountability.
It was damage control.
Here’s what usually happens when a club gets called out:
1️⃣ Gaslighting: They try to reframe the issue, saying our post — not theirs — is the reason for negativity.
2️⃣ Emotional manipulation: They suddenly start talking about “mental health,” “safeguarding,” and “protecting children” to guilt us into deleting it.
3️⃣ Reputation management: They distance themselves from the original post, claim it was written “in the heat of the moment,” and then start talking about “learning experiences” and “moving forward.”
4️⃣ Tone-policing: They say we should be more understanding, that we are fuelling hate by simply showing what they publicly posted in the first place.
Let’s be clear — the referee didn’t post anything. The club did.
We didn’t name anyone. We just highlighted an example of behaviour that referees deal with every single week.
If clubs want to be treated with compassion, they should start by showing it to the officials who make their games possible.
Accountability isn’t abuse.
Consequences aren’t bullying.
And exposing poor behaviour isn’t “hate” — it’s education.
