12/10/2024
I have been receiving calls and comments from various persons, both negative and positive, that's part of life. But I received a call from a son last night ,that made me restless, he holds me in high esteem, ordinarily, I don't react to issues immediately, no matter how down it makes me feel. After a thought on our discussion, I felt my answer to him on views on marriage after a situation will also answer many others and heal many others. My son,I don't need to write a book on negative marriagemarriage like you requested, I only tried to see more of the positive side and see problems as "our own". Its unfortunate,we are in the news for the wrong reason.
1. First, no one is perfect, including me, we all have our shortcomings, so , you can't make a perfect match, what polish or destroy a marriage, is the attachment of a negative or positive family. Their level of trying to protect you. What you see in it , should stay with "you", some , you have tell but those who will tell you the truth and hear the other too.
2. Again, I make bold to say women are not bad, first, my mother is a woman, she's still in my father's house even in death, not that my father was a perfect person but a great personality, my mother's family were there to make her what they were. Secondly, my sisters are also women, almost all of them are married and are doing great, In fact, I have about 13 (minus my extended) of them married and in their husband's house. Not that, there are no challenges , we see all their husbands as brothers, we give equal consideration to them without sentiments, most times, our sisters don't like their husbands reporting to us because, we will be for all. Thirdly, for the fact that one tries to cross a river and falls in it doesn't mean you will. This is one in a million cases.
3. Your beliefs system are very important, this I like to brief and not in all cases, when you are in a church and your partner values his or her relationship with the pastor (s) more than you and see him or her as a victim all the time without telling the truth or no ever bother about your own side of the story or favoured the one with the current so called financial value, then, you have a long way.
4. There's nothing wrong exposing your wife to opportunities to make, first and most importantly, she needs to support, secondly, she needs to support her family (however, this is always where the claim to protect her always comes).
5. I still say Marriage is sweet because I see my sisters well placed, supporting their husbands, not that they are perfect but see their shame as theirs.
6. The greatest success in marriage is forgiveness and tolerance, we all grew up in different homes, coming to leave together, imagine one from polygamous home where their wives struggled to please and the other from a monogamous home, where the mother can slap the husband and ask him to sit down. It's like arranging a cat and dog to live together, there must be a give and take.
7. You must not know everything about your man, or try to investigate why he's smiling in the afternoon, you don't anointing oil ,candles or prayer houses /prophets everywhere around you to make your marriage work, you only need a better character and positive advise around you.
8. Very importantly, don't forget your traditions in marriage, it's the best way for any African child to enjoy their marriage, I mean the dos and don'ts. Don't be too Smart , at least be a small fool .
Idoma still remains one of the best places to marry. Everywhere, you see things happen because, they no longer respect or value their traditional vows.
Finally, our strength and happiness lies in our knowledge of everything we try to gather is vanity. Instead of fighting to win your man, you use all the energy on fighting what even when you grab, it can't give you fulfillment in the success of vow. All challenges of your relationship or marriage with focus on winning the person will pass.
My son, if I tell you marriage is not sweet,I must be lying to you. I know,I had wonderful moments in my marriage that has turned toxic, it's simply unforgivenes and "illegal" or "selfish" adviser. SEE YOUR PROBLEMS AS A COLLECTIVE RESPONSIBILITY.
THIS TOO WILL PASS.
CHIEF EWAOCHE OBE
