12/05/2024
A wealthy man was ordered by his physician to go away to the mountains for a rest. He went home, told the members of his family what the doctor had said. He said, "While I'm away, I don't wish to be annoyed by letters or telegrams; in fact, I don't want to receive any news of any kind." So he went away and was gone about six weeks.
He returned to the city very much improved in health and very anxious for some news from home. He got off of the train at the depot, was met by his servant, and the following conversation ensued:
Man: Well, Henry, how is everything at home? Is there any news?
Henry: No, sir. There ain't no news, sir. Everything is just about the same as it was when y'all went away. Nothin' happened. No sir, there ain't nothing happened, there ain't no news.
Man: Well, you know, I'm just dying for some word from home now. You can tell me any little thing, no matter how trifling.
Henry: No sir, there ain't no news. There ain't nothin' to tell you, sir. Except... there's just one little thing. Since you've been away, your dog died.
Man: Oh, my dog died, eh? Well, that's too bad. What killed the
dog?
Henry: Well, sir, the dog ate some burnt horseflesh. And that's what killed the dog.
Man: Ate burnt horseflesh? Where did he get burnt horseflesh to eat?
Henry: Well, sir, you know, your barn burned down. And after the fire had cooled off, the dog ran in and ate some of the burnt horse- flesh, and that's what killed the dog.
Man: Oh, my barn burned down, eh?
Henry: Oh yessir, yes indeed, the barn, that's all burned down.
Man: How did the barn catch fire?
Henry: Well, sir, you see, a spark from the house flew over, caught on to the barn, burned the barn down, burned up all the cows and the horses, and after the fire had cooled off, the dog ran in and ate some of the burnt horseflesh, and that's what killed the dog.
Man: Oh, then my house burned down too, eh?
Henry: Oh yessir, yes indeed, the house, that's completely destroyed.
Man: Well, how did the house catch fire?
Henry: Well sir, they had some candles burning in the house, and one of the candles caught onto the curtain, and the curtains caught onto the roof, and the spark flew over and caught onto the barn, burned the barn down, burned up all the cows and the horses, and after the fire had cooled off, the dog ran in and ate some of the burnt horseflesh, and that's what killed the dog.
Man: You say they had candles burning in the house where I have gas and electricity? I never knew there was a candle in the place.
Henry: Oh yessir, yessir, they had the candles there. They had the candles burning all around the coffin.
Man: The coffin? Who's dead?
Henry: Oh yessir, yessir, that's another little thing I forgot to tell you about. Since you've been away, your mother-in-law died.
Man: Oh, my mother-in-law died, eh?
Henry: Yessir, yessir, she's dead all right. You needn't worry about that.
Man: What killed my mother-in-law?
Henry: Well sir, I don't know exactly what killed her sir, but around the neighborhood, they say it was from the shock of your wife running away with the chauffeur. But outside of that sir, why, there ain't no news.
