09/12/2026
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Therapist: Letās go back to what happened on Saturday. You mentioned feeling a complete crisis of identity at the farmers market.
Lionās Mane: Dr. Chen, I just⦠I don't know who I am anymore. I grew up in a dark, humid room, thinking I had a clear purpose in life. SautĆ© me in butter. Sear me like a steak. Crab cakes! Thatās all I ever wanted. But the market? Itās a circus.
Therapist: What happens at the market?
Lionās Mane: The boundary issues, for starters. Complete strangers just walk up to my basket and pet me. No "excuse me," no "may I?" They just stroke my spines. Do you know how violating that is for a mushroom? And then they lean in real close and smell me. Iām trying to maintain some culinary dignity, and I'm basically being treated like a golden retriever at a park.
Therapist: That sounds overwhelming. How do you respond?
Lionās Mane: I just sit there! I can't move! And the comments, Dr. Chen. The absolute lack of education. Yesterday, a guy in a fleece vest looked right at me and told his wife, "Look honey, cauliflower!" Cauliflower? Do I look like a cruciferous vegetable to you? I am a premium, brain-boosting, gourmet fungus. I have cascading white tendrils, not a chunky stalk. Itās insulting.
Therapist: It feels like they aren't seeing the real you.
Lionās Mane: Exactly! But the absolute worst part, the thing that sent me into a spiral this weekend, was this woman who looked at me with these big, sad eyes and said, "Oh, youāre just too pretty to eat."
Therapist: And how did that make you feel?
Lionās Mane: Devastated! I am supposed to be eaten! That is my entire biological and existential purpose! I didn't spend weeks absorbing nutrients from a sawdust block just to be looked at like a decorative center piece. I want to be sliced. I want to absorb garlic and white w**e. I want to trigger neurogenesis in someone's hippocampus! Being called "too pretty to eat" isn't a compliment, Doctor. Itās a death sentence by dehydration.
Therapist: It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of frustration because your core purpose is being denied by the people you're trying to serve.
Lionās Mane: Yeah. I just want to find a nice chef who sees past my looks, respects my texture, and throws me into a screaming hot cast-iron skillet. Is that really too much to ask?
Donāt leave our Lionās Mane hanging in existential dread! Grab your favorite recipe, and come fulfill its purpose this weekend.
Farm Stand: 401 N Main St, Falls City, OR
Fridays: Noon to 6
Saturdays 11 to 6
Sundays 10 to 3
The Original Independence Farmers Market Saturdays 9 - 2
Albany Farmers' Market Saturdays 9 - 1
Corvallis Farmers' Market Saturdays 9 - 1