07/02/2025
Somedays on the Homestead are just so damn hard...Houdini was struggling this morning. My first thought was bladder blockage, he showed all the textbook signs. Rushed him off to the vet. Had him scanned, showed a small bladder but no stones. Gave him meds to help if one was trying to pass, he threw it up along with un digested food. He started looking skyward. Its hard watching an animal you helped raise suffer. There was something wrong and we even had the vet stumped. I opted to have him put to sleep, I didn't want him suffering. The vet offered to autopsy him for me, to make sure he wasn't suffering from something that could potentially spread to the rest of my herd. I held him as he went to heaven, rubbing his cheeks and talking softly to him. Afterwards I waited in the truck for the vet to do the autopsy. Houdini's stomach was swollen, and full of food. His intestines were dying, the vet said his best guess what some type of nerve damage, and if we hadn't of caught it he would have slowly died at home. Full of pain and scared.
Sometimes the hardest decisions in this way of life is when enough is enough. I held him for a bit trying to make the decision to either load him up with medication and hope or let him pass and be there. Something was telling me it was time for him, that it was the best choice. Even when my mind fought with me the whole time, and there was a moment of instant regret, I knew God needed him. And knowing that there was nothing we could have done to save him. The choice was the right one.
I brought Houdini home and laid him to rest. My oldest boy stood by my side and silently watched. He is like me; we take all losses hard. He bowed his head with me as we prayed to God; asking him to welcome Houdini into his eternal pasture. And to shower him with love and peace.
My heart is heavy, and somedays I question if I'm meant for this. And then I had my sister told me that I am. That all these animals that step foot on my farm are instantly loved and cared for. This is what I am meant for. And she is right, I try to make every day here for my animals the best for them. I love each and every one of them and I hope they know it.