05/29/2026
I feel the need to clear the air and offer some clarity here. And buckle in because it's a long one. 👀 People seem to enjoy my writing style and when I share bits and pieces of "my story" too, so... 🤷🏻♂️
First of all, I'm sorry for being rude over the last couple days y'all. I created this page to try and market my birds locally. I never wanted to ship birds or eggs. For whatever reason the algorithm only ever showed my page to folks who were interested but not local or who were local but uninterested. Or that is the way it has seemed anyways.
I am aware that all I had to do was get my NPIP. I also know that if I went through the process after being so opposed to it that I'd always feel like I compromised my identity just to sell some eggs and that's just not who I am. 🤷🏻♂️
I'm just staying in my lane. I know that I didn't fail at breeding quails, I failed at navigating sales, people, and regulations, which is fair.
The last few mental breakdowns I've had my attitude has generally been, "I just want to be with my birds and I want people to leave me the F*** alone." I'm also aware that doesn't pay the feed bill nor is it healthy. But that is generally where my head is at again. If you've done business with us though, that isn't about you. I just can't handle to stress of my inbox chiming with the demands of the general public when I've laid out my boundaries and pinned posts time and time and time again.
Folks just push push push. Constantly wanted my best birds for my lowest prices. Wanted to cherry pick my hatching eggs from within their packaging, fighting me over a fricken dollar 👀 expecting lay hens at straight run juvenile prices.... You name it, I saw all types of cheapery and do**he baggery in this little thing I was trying.
👀 And it was always take take take. Or talk to me like a chat bot and then rage quit because you don't like my prices.
I'm not a victim here but I'm also not taking s**t from anyone. This was never a business to me. This was always just me trying to navigate a world built by and for people who think differently. And that's all this page is going to continue to be, we are just moving on from quails as being a viable business venture. That doesn't mean we won't still sell quails when we have spares because I'm going to keep raising them for me. We're just not "quail farmers" anymore.
I don't know what's next, 👀 but I've never known. It's been a pattern since my mom and her doctor sat me down when I was a kid and told me that she was sick. At that age, I was so naive I didn't even know that it meant that she wasn't going to get better.
I didn't know what was next when I had to drop out of any extra curricular activities like the boy scouts, and scholastics I was involved in so I could take care of her because my father was practically useless, now he has his own mental deficiencies, but I dont have much grace for him because he was still a s**tty human when he could have done better.
I didn't know what was next when my parents lost their home in the housing market collapse in the early 2000s.
I didn't know what was next when my mom passed away and my dad moved on and had another woman moved into our home within 6 months, and then asked me to leave.
I didn't know what was next when I was just trying to pay rent at 17 years old and found myself interviewing against grown men for minimum wage jobs during the economic downturn in 2007/08. I barely landed a fry cook job at McDonald's. 👀 I've heard every iteration of "just put the fries in the bag" that you could probably imagine.
I didn't know what was next when I was putting myself through highschool, while navigating a religious community who took me in but was taking advantage of me and using me to fill roles and controlling me while I attended their Bible college program, borrowed money from them, worked for them, lived with them. 👀 It was a cult. 😬
I didn't know what was next when that church went through a split and I was right in the middle of it and was removed from ministry and asked to leave, nor when the other members were told to disassociate with me from the pulpit because I stood behind a mentor and a friend.
I didn't know what was next when that mentor and friend then abandoned me.
I didn't know what was next when I moved to Michigan to marry this crazy girl I met on the internet.
I didn't know what was next when I was laid off from literally every single factory job I could muster up while living there.
I didn't know what was next when my wife was offered a job in Missouri and like the crazy people we were, we decided on a coin toss, packed up a cargo trailer and hit the road for another fresh start.
And there are so many other moments I'm glancing right over here that were literal coin toss moments where I didn't know what was next so I actually flipped a coin to make a decision.
I am not afraid of anything. And I literally mean that. There isn't anything I've ever tried to wrap my head around or understand that I couldn't grasp. I've held roles and job titles that amaze myself, but back then I was young, competent, and confident, albeit feeling like an imposter the entire time.
All of this to say though, I've never known what was next. It's not new or uncomfortable territory for me, but I do wish for once I could have a predictable outcome that didn't always feel or have the perception of failure and like I was left "holding the bag."
I know many of my problems are in my head and how I'm processing them but I also know I've seen the doctors and taken the pills and done the therapy and taken all the steps and it's clear to me that I'm just always going to feel this way. That isn't dwelling on it, it's acceptance.
Operating in this highly social, haggling centered public market is exhausting, especially when navigating a world built for people who process and interact with reality differently. Adapting to market demands requires compromising my core identity just to please others.
👀 And walking away from all the demands is a protective measure, not a defeat.
So I don't know what is next. I'm going to clean up my farm and pick up the pieces and figure out where to go from here. But make no mistake, this was only ever about survival to begin with and that's all I'm doing out here. Surviving.
