04/30/2026
I don’t think people realize how overwhelming it is to try to “prepare” your entire life to be put on pause.
In a matter of days, I’ll be having heart surgery. And while that alone is terrifying, what’s almost just as heavy is everything I’m trying to hold together before I go.
A farm doesn’t stop because I’m in a hospital bed. Animals still need fed, watered, checked. Things still break. Life still moves. I’ve been running myself into the ground trying to make sure everything is set up, everything is stocked, everything is as easy as possible for the people stepping in to carry it while I can’t.
On top of that, it’s the house. The laundry. The messes that somehow multiply when you’re stressed. Trying to clean and organize like I can somehow leave things “perfect,” even though deep down I know that’s not realistic.
And then there’s the financial side… bills, gas, food, the extra strain of my husband going back and forth while I’m in the hospital. It feels like trying to solve a puzzle where every piece costs money we don’t really have to spare right now.
I’m exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally. My brain doesn’t shut off—just constant lists running through my head of what I might be forgetting, what I still need to do, what could go wrong.
And underneath all of that… is fear.
Fear of the surgery. Fear of complications. Fear of not being here to take care of the life we’ve built.
I’m trying so hard to be strong and stay focused, but the truth is… this is a lot. Way more than I expected it to be.
If you’ve ever wondered what this part looks like—the “before”—it’s not just appointments and countdowns. It’s chaos, pressure, and trying to hold your whole world together with shaky hands.
Just taking it one hour at a time right now.
Enjoy a little before and after of what we’ve been working on. We’re so proud of it. ❤️🥰