06/03/2026
This week was a doozy. Not because anything dramatic happened on my little urban flower farm, but because it was scan week and oncologist appointment week.
Early June will mark 10 years out from my breast cancer diagnosis. Ten years.
Since I currently have nothing to sell and this flower farm account occasionally doubles as my personal diary, I thought I’d share 10 realities of survivorship. They’re more common than people realize, but they often stay hidden behind the words, “I’m doing fine.”
1. I can be deeply grateful to be alive and still grieve the person I was before cancer.
2. I can trace my life to a single dividing line. Cancer didn’t just change it, it split it in two: the Julie before, and the Julie after.
3. I can be hopeful about the future and terrified it will come back. Living between these two emotions is exhausting.
3. I can accept what happened and still be angry that cancer changed my body, my brain, and my life forever.
4. I can look fine on the outside and still be struggling on the inside. Pretending I’m okay is often easier than making other people uncomfortable.
5. I can be surrounded by people who love me and still feel lonely. Survivorship can be an isolating place to live.
6. I can be years past treatment and still carry the effects of cancer every day. Medical trauma is real.
7. I can be fully engaged in life and still think about death. Cancer has a way of permanently changing your relationship with mortality.
8. I can work, laugh, and show up for life while still trying to figure out who I am now. The loss of identity after cancer is real.
9. I can be healed and still healing. Cancer may be in my past, but its impact is woven into my present.
10. I can carry all of this and function like nothing happened. Some days that feels like the hardest part of all.
When you see strong, resilient, healed, and fine, what you don’t see is the fear, PTSD, medical trauma, exhaustion, and the physical, emotional, and mental toll that never fully leaves.
